I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
