if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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