Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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