Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
