I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
