I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
