I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
