You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
