buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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