Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
