glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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