I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
