well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
