Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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