Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
