Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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