Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
