u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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