mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
