she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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