Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im part way to drunk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
