in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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