OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
