the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
