i would punch a child for taco bell
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
