hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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