I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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