I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
