my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
