Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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