I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
