the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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