I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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