The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
