I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
