i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
