Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we're making bets on your personal life
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
