the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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