I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
