i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
