Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
