She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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