it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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