when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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