dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
