I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
