I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
