That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
