I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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