The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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